So, I’m driving with my man child and we’re conversing about life and relationships. And he makes a statement that floors me. He said you miss every shot you never take. It’s not a statement I’ve never heard before but at that moment it had me thinking.
Like why was I still single?
Why was I working at a job where I’m unappreciated with absolutely no future?
Why am I feeling this sense of being stagnant?
No matter how I try to gloss over it the reality is I am single because I was afraid to say exactly what it is that I want from a partner and an intimate relationship. And so, I’ll never get what I want unless I’m willing to clearly define what it is that I want. Mind readers don’t exist and it’s unfair to expect someone else to carry the burden of trying to anticipate your wants and needs.
It’s damn selfish really!
I would also need to get out there and date cuz just focusing on children, work and home life can limit my options. So, here’s to getting out more, pursuing interests outside of the home, and meeting new people. In theory, this all sounds so easy peasy, one thing I’ve learned over the years is that I must be intentional with my actions cuz old habits die hard. This may sound like an excuse, but for years I’ve not met a man that captured my attention. Yes, I’ve encountered beautiful men, ambitious men, intelligent men but not a man that I was not able to forget shortly after I spoke with him. It goes beyond sexual urges and leans more towards recognition of something akin to home.
Is it unrealistic to want chemistry?
Why am I working at a job where I’m not stimulated nor appreciated knowing that there’s no future there? Quite frankly it’s fear.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of leaving a consistent salary with benefits and not being able to take care of my family.
Fear of starting over again. It’s scary to be a beginner at my age, and I’m learning to extend grace to myself as I’m acquiring new skills.
Fear that I am not qualified “enough” for the job that I really want.
Fear that my business venture may fail, and I’ll have to get back into the corporate world…
Expressing these fears is always met with disbelief and dismay, so I’ve kept silent.
I’ve kept silent while strategizing how to accomplish my goals. First, I had to figure out what it is exactly I want out of life and then start taking small steps to accomplish them, consistently. Don’t know about you but the big picture scared me shitless. So much so that I’d not start AT ALL!
In writing this I realize that my life isn’t stagnant at all. It’s the impatience and unwillingness to savor the process that has me feeling this sense of nothing getting done. The small step I’m taking is the foundation to me accomplishing my goals. Every morning when I get out of bed and take my morning walks/jog I’m getting some step closer to being a healthier version of myself. Every week as I plan the week I’m working towards my goals. Every time I step out of my comfort zone and face my fears, I’m working towards accomplishing my goals. These steps aren’t always glamourous nor momentous, however, they are necessary to the journey and so I take them.
So here’s to taking the shot
Here’s to challenging yourself to speak up
Here’s to applying for the job that you don’t think you’re qualified for
Here’s to starting that side hustle and consistently working on it
Here’s to the banishament of negative self talk
Here’s to living the life that you want to live!