Throughout my teen years, I consumed copious amounts of romance novels. It started with the Mills & Bones, and from there it went on to Harlequin Romance and then to my all-time favorite historical romance. They’re absolutely delicious! Side note, I don’t understand why more young boys don’t read romance novels, those sex scenes are as detailed and graphic as any adult film. Combined with the great storyline, these romance novels are amazing!
I fell in love with the strong-willed heroine. She was always a sensible, sensual woman, with no urge or longing for marriage. She wasn’t repelled by the idea of marriage and a family; however, she knew there was more to life than being a wife and mother. She wanted to explore the world. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t fearful of going after it. She was relatable. However, when she found her partner she learned to yield. In spite of all the changes and challenges, the heroine always ended up with her hero. After all, LOVE CONQUERS IT ALL!
You see my consumption of unrealistic ideals about love fed the hopeless romantic in me and when I encountered the reality of a love affair, it resulted in heartbreak.
Loving someone isn’t as easy or simple as I thought it was. The way I expressed love is not necessarily the way the other person feels love. Intimate relationships are freaking hard and require real effort from those involved. Putting on your big girl panties/big man boxers and apologizing when needed, having those uncomfortably necessary conversations about expectations and beliefs, and even allowing oneself to not be threatened by the growth of one’s partner are all essential.
I think I’ve found a better approach to love affairs moving forward. I’m going to eat. I don’t handle hunger well. When I’m hungry I become withdrawn and easily irritable about EVERYTHING! It’s never intentional to not eat on time, sometimes it just happens. I’m unable to focus because my thoughts are on how quickly I can find something to satisfy my hunger. I also try my best not to have conversations of any importance because my words and tone tend to be sharp and biting. And most importantly I’m learning not to dwell any challenges I may be experiencing at the time, cuz then I end up even further down the rabbit hole and quite miserable at the problem that isn’t a problem and how it can negatively affect me not realizing that it’s all made up worst-case scenarios all because I didn’t eat. And how I’ve snapped at someone dear to me and they’re hurt and confused at this display of unnecessary anger. Then I’m left feeling crappy because my behavior really wasn’t necessary and having to apologize while hoping that I’m forgiven.
Now you may be wondering what the hell does eating have to do with falling in love cuz they both seem totally irrelevant. And so, I’ll ask you this, how many times have you fallen in love, when you weren’t satisfied with how your life is going?
This magnificent person comes along and gives you everything you ever wanted. They lavish you with attention, stroke your ego, and shower you with gifts. They prioritize your every need and desire. They flaunt you as the ultimate prize, which you already think you are. And now you’ve fallen in love.
You’re in love and lonely…
Lonely because there is still some hunger left unmet…
I’m slowly learning to feed my soul, turns out it is a lot more satisfying than feeding my physical hunger. I’m learning to set boundaries, gracefully releasing any relationship and belief that no longer serves me. I’m no longer exaggerating life’s challenges, instead, I’m learning the lesson, hoping never to repeat them. I’m growing in love these days and turns out it’s as delicious as those historical romance novels.