One minute I was 25 years old, living and loving my forever person with no concern for the dating game. A blink later and I’m 40 and single having to traverse this unknown perilous territory called dating.

I am ready for it all.

Or at least I thought I was. I’ve always been attracted to older men and older men have always loved me. Now that I’m older, the more mature men I’m encountering are the ones with wives and kids that they’re conveniently forgetting. They’re relentless in their pursuit so a steadfast, consistent, loud and resounding NO is needed. There is another kind of suitor I’m stumbling across.

He is young.

He is virile.

He is full of potential.

He is optimistic about life and everything is an adventure.

He is spontaneous and fun lovingly.

He is just absolutely yummy.

The question now becomes, do I bite?

Do I sink my teeth into such a succulent fruit or should I admire the view and keep it moving? Just one taste won’t hurt, would it? Just a sample to appease my curiosity.

Just the tip perhaps…

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

After all one taste is all it takes to get addicted to sinfully delicious pleasures.

I’ve never dated younger and I have a wondering mind that just doesn’t shut or slow down unless I am eating. So here I am pondering on some challenges I may encounter with a younger man.

First thing first. Will I be able to keep up with this man? While at this big age, I am as randy as a 21-year-old man, is my energy level really there? For me, a night on the town starts at 7:30pm and if I’m snuggled deep under the covers and onto my second dream by midnight, I feel like I’ve accomplished a major feat! Shoots my nights out need to be planned and infrequent. I’ve grown to love intimate gatherings. Preferably at my home where I can take a power nap and come back refreshed. My inner circle is quite familiar with my nap-taking shenanigan, it’s expected and they keep themselves entertained until I’m back.

Will a younger man be ready for a committed relationship? This is a major concern for me. While I am single, I am still a mother of underage children. The prude in me won’t allow myself to play at home if my children are present, which seems to be all the freaking time. Nor would it allow me to bring just any and every man I date back to my home. I don’t care. I don’t care. I feel that my children should be kept away from partners that I am not in a committed relationship with. This impacts the way I date in a major way. I have to be intentional. While a man may be able to provide fun and adventures I have to ask myself, is this a man I would want my son to emulate? Is this the kind of man I would want my daughters to date or marry? These questions alone have ensured that some men, no matter the age, never have access to my body or my home. Is he ready for that level of commitment? Especially with an older woman with children.

One thing for sure and two things for certain, people will talk. And while we love to sprout that nonsense that we don’t care what people think of us and what we’re doing in our lives. We really do freaking care. Especially when the chatter comes from sources nearest and dearest to us. After all, they are the only ones whose opinions matter. And boy do they have opinions. Opinions upon fucking opinions. If you’re willing to be dead honest with yourself you’ll admit that those intrusive opinions usually come at the most inopportune times in your relationship. When there is trials, tribulations and tension between you and your partner. There comes your well intended besties, adding fuel to an already explosive environment. If you haven’t the maturity to instill boundaries and stand firm on these boundaries, especially when it comes to criticism of your intimate relationship and partner, you may end up with the bitter taste of regret.

I will not date a man who doesn’t have children, especially not a younger man. As a matter of fact, I will not have another child. I have no interest in having another child. Any man I date MUST come with children of his own. Children whose lives he’s integrally a part of. Having children has taught me to not negatively react to every little dumb shit that they do. To not even acknowledge some of the dumb shit they do. To give them time and attention to chatter about any and every dumb shit that comes to their mind. Bottom line parenting is demanding, fulfilling, overwhelming, beautiful, and chaotic all at once. I won’t trade it for the world, but I feel that a non-parent may not be as accommodating towards my children or as understanding about sudden changes to plans that were “set in stone”. Will he understand when my 10 year old needs more assurance than usual and now my focus is solely on her? Will he understand when my days are filled with one child related errand after the other, leaving me spent and exhausted at the end of the day, with only enough energy to curl into his warmth and shut down. Is it even fair to expect a non parent to accept the intricacies of dating an older woman with children? Trust me , it’s a lot to unpack here , but you get the drift. I can’t do younger and non-parent.

The dating game has shifted significantly since I’ve been in it and quite frankly it scares me shitless most days. There are the opportunistic waiting for an easy prey, there are the players drunk on relations guru Kevin Samuels and just don’t quite understand that Kevin was talking about high value men, there are ones trying to fix their mouths to ask what do I bring to the table as a 40 year old woman with kids not understanding that I AM the table.

It’s never a dull moment out here in these dating streets, but guess what baby? I am a woman, resilience, and discernment are weaved into every fiber of my being. I shall leisurely window shop, perhaps even try on one or two to see if they’re a perfect fit but I’ll never allow myself to be discouraged.