As 2020 wind down, I ended my 10 year on again off again situationship. I’d like to say that there was loads of fanfare and explosive emotions but alas there was none. There was no resentment nor anger towards him, nor did I feel like I wasted years of my life waiting for “more” to magically materialize. There I was alone in a hotel room in Las Vegas curled up by the window with my notebook reflecting on the year and planning for 2021. After a night of soul searching, I found the courage to walk away from our situationship. This journey was not just about closing one chapter; it was about navigating the uncharted waters of uncertainty and discovering the profound growth that comes with letting go.
A situationship, perched between the realms of friendship and romance, carries a unique weight. It’s a delicate dance between connection and detachment, where emotions ebb and flow, but commitment remains elusive. After a decade, the inertia of familiarity can become a comfortable yet stifling cocoon. We had gotten comfortable making little to no effort to go out and date anyone else because we knew the other party was a phone call away. Time was passing but there we were, doing the same thing and getting the same results. We had been at en impasse for many years, but stubbornly unwilling to accept what needed to happen
Leaving meant stepping into the unknown, facing questions without immediate answers, and embracing the discomfort of uncertainty. It meant not having him around to lean on. It meant not having someone to call to celebrate small victories. It meant understanding that love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. It meant being honest with my desire to have a healthy monogamous relationship, where we intentionally work towards building a life together. Leaving meant admitting to the truth that I am desirous of a marriage!
Leaving a long-term situationship was an opportunity to rediscover who I was outside the confines of that relationship. It has only been a few years since walking away and I’m enjoying this new chapter in my life. I’m pursuing my goals while remaining open to new experiences and growth. Growth often emerges from discomfort, and leaving the situationship became the fertile ground for my personal evolution. Each day brought new challenges and realizations, shaping a version of myself that was more resilient, self-aware, and capable of embracing change. The uncertainty, once feared, became a catalyst for growth.
Leaving a situationship was not just an ending; it was a profound beginning. Through this journey, I learned that sometimes, the most significant strides in life come when we muster the courage to step into the unknown, leaving behind the familiar for the promise of better. The dating scene has changed drastically over the years, and I’m scared shitless at what I’ve encountered so far. It has made me reconsider getting back on that hamster wheel more than once. This peace I’ve been enjoying has kept me anchored, and for this I am eternally grateful.
Have you ever had to walk away from a relationship where you still loved the other person but had to accept that you two could never be together? If so how did you navigate that? What was your turning point? Do you maintain any contact at all?
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