Have you ever had sex just because it was expected?
Have you ever volunteered to be a chaperone for your kid’s soccer game just because?
Have you ever opted to have a glass of wine instead of the cognac and cigar that you really wanted?
How many times have you worn the understated outfit just because you’re a young lady and that’s what respectable ladies wear?
How many times have you stifled the essence of who you are, to please everyone around you, ultimately losing who you are in the process?
I was a teen mom and a college dropout who did everything within my power to not live up to the stereotype. For so long I was caught up in not living up to these stereotypes that I stopped living the life that I wanted to live. I stopped focusing on my individual needs and wants and solely focused on being someone I barely recognized most days. All under the guise of being a responsible adult. Three beautiful children later and a plethora of life lessons later I’m purposefully creating the life I want for myself.
Not for my children and definitely not to be considered a respectable woman in the eyes of society.
I am releasing the concept of putting yourself first as selfish. After all, if I’m not fully charged, how can I help those around me. My children feed on my energy and my energy sets the tone for my household. I love being in a peaceful living space. I love hearing the sound of my children’s laughter, mostly in the other room. I thoroughly enjoy coming home to my sanctuary. In order to sustain this, I have to find ways to keep my being replenished. Those evening strolls along the beach, watching the sunset and those early mornings joggings nourishes me. I thrive on alone time, whether it be lost in a novel or a podcast, or a YouTube video.
I NEED IT.
I have found ways to calm my emotions and keep me focused on what’s important to me and I am willfully opened to more while encouraging you to do what works for you.
I am releasing the idea that purposefully and aggressively pursuing financial gain and sustainability as greedy. God doesn’t want me poor and begging, He wants me rich and a blessing to those around me, and having access to money allows for this. Side note, I grew up in a traditional Christian home and was taught that money is the root of all evil and it was easier for a camel to pass through the eyes of a needle before a rich man can enter the gates of Heaven. In all fairness, I must admit that the innocence of childhood kept me from questioning many things as it relates to God, the Bible, and Church. Respect for others, their property, and their life choices were drilled into us. Curiosity, however, was not always encouraged hence these limiting beliefs lingered for so long.
Daily I remind myself, that I am worthy of financial security and abundance.
And finally, I am releasing the need to have any of my life decisions validated by anyone. At the end of the night, I nestle alone with my decisions. I am also certain I’ve spoken on this before and I feel like it needs to be spoken on again. Everyone has an opinion on the way you should live your life. The kind of career they feel you should pursue. How you should dress. The car you should drive and even the way you should think. Well, I’m here to say FUCK them and their opinions, respectfully.
Funny enough, most times these opinions come from a place of what’s considered love and wanting the best for you. Learning to think for me and to do what’s best for me hasn’t always been my forte. Once upon a time ago I lived to please my family and friends. I wanted to be liked and considered the go-to person, the person that they can call at the last minute and I’ll be there. Like superwoman in my glossy cape. That delusional, no boundary having, people pleaser has been laid to rest. Those who love me will accept and support my decisions no matter what.
A few weeks back, I was listening to a Dr. Myles Munroe Youtube video and he said that we don’t always fulfill our goals because we’re distracted by things that aren’t good or right, but most times we are so distracted doing good/right that we forget to focus on our goals and this caused me to reevaluate how I operate.This journey of self-discovery has been an eye-opener for sure. And one thing it has taught me is that most times I’ve stood in my own way. Recognizing this, I am purposefully releasing limiting beliefs and continuously reevaluating myself and those relationships around me.
Tis the season to blossom and bloom, pruning all the unnecessary.
I’ve been a single woman for a while, at first I was envious of all the lovely couples strolling around snapping their cute pictures and licking their ice cream cones. It took me not focusing on my lack of a boyfriend and focusing on the things that I wanted to learn or things that I enjoy for me to really start really living my best life. It was like a whole new world opened up to me, I am able to frolic and flirt as I wish, I could hang out with friends at the drop of a hat and I am able to singlemindedly pursue my dreams and hobbies. I could even spend the entire weekend curled up in bed reading to my heart’s content. Nowadays I’m snapping pictures and licking the ice cream cone, yes I’m alone and I’m still enjoying these small pleasures while flashing my mile-wide smile. But Lord knows there are times I miss having a partner to handle some things for me or at least to listen to me moan and groan about some things as they pop up.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, every single woman, especially one who drives a second-hand car, must have the contact of an honest, reliable mechanic. I’m not sure they exist so I personally have 3. Whenever old faithful is having an issue I call mechanics #1 and #2 have them diagnose the issue and then I go to mechanic #3 and we discuss what #1 and #2 had to say. #3 could be considered my consultant, he’s too old to do any of the physical work but he’ll make sure that none of these young champs swing me aka do me dirty! Now you may be thinking, geez chick that’s a lot and I agree it really is. However, it saves me the hassle of paying for the same job twice or for mechanical work that I don’t even need. So honey child get you that honest reliable mechanic or 3 like I do.
The other day I had a messy situation, literally, a messy situation. My toilet backed it and threaten to overflow. This is a freaking traumatic experience or it really could be that I was already overwhelmed and just didn’t need anything else falling apart. Picture it, it’s Monday at 5:30 PM and I’m logged into an evening class session and the freaking toilet decided to get clogged. How dare this toilet backup!! I was not mentally prepared for that ish, nor did I have the number of the plumber. Several phone calls later and 1 hour later the plumber came and snaked my toilet and gave me the bill. In total awe I paid him and at that moment went online and ordered myself a snake. Dude was in my bathroom for all of 5 minutes and just like magic my toilet woes were solved. Remember I’m hella nosey so I stood there and watched him while he worked and asked 101 questions. Not only have I ordered my snake I plan to have a mechanic walk me through the basics of unclogging my toilet. Toilets only clog at inconvenient times and I plan to be a lot prepared.
Did you ever had the great idea to rearrange your living space in the middle of the night and need to hang some pictures only to find that you have absolutely nothing that could help you. No drill. No hammer. No screw drivers shoots not even some screws or nails. Zilch. The most frustrating feeling of having to wait when you’re in a flow and have to wait. So go get the basic tool box and a drill. You just never know when you’re gonna have to set up some new furniture or hang a picture frame or wall ornament. Get a glue gun and glue sticks while you’re at it. Trust me on this you just don’t know how handy these things are.
You’re gonna need it sister. Things hardly ever go as planned and getting impatient don’t help at all. Have patience with yourself as you’re learning new things. Have patience when you’ve called the service man and it’s 3 hours later and he said he was 10 minutes away. So practice deep breathing to keep you calm while you wait
Life happens quickly and some times it drags on forever and nothing makes the wait more enjoyable than sipping on your favorite adult beverage of choice. Having it home also saves you a butt load of money. Personally I’m a vodka and tonic with a twist if lime. Sidenote I’m also a light weight so my drinks are 3 parts tonic water aka a whole can with a shot of vodka. This is absolutely delicious and I’m able to curl up after a long day and have me drink and read. Even if I have friends over we’re able to enjoy each other’s company and have several drinks in the process.
Life as a single gal is certainly an adventure. Mostly a quiet adventure and I enjoy it. In no way am I knocking those in relationships, I love seeing happy couples. What I am saying is life can be lit whether you’re coupled or single.
Throughout my teen years, I consumed copious amounts of romance novels. It started with the Mills & Bones, and from there it went on to Harlequin Romance and then to my all-time favorite historical romance. They’re absolutely delicious! Side note, I don’t understand why more young boys don’t read romance novels, those sex scenes are as detailed and graphic as any adult film. Combined with the great storyline, these romance novels are amazing!
I fell in love with the strong-willed heroine. She was always a sensible, sensual woman, with no urge or longing for marriage. She wasn’t repelled by the idea of marriage and a family; however, she knew there was more to life than being a wife and mother. She wanted to explore the world. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t fearful of going after it. She was relatable. However, when she found her partner she learned to yield. In spite of all the changes and challenges, the heroine always ended up with her hero. After all, LOVE CONQUERS IT ALL!
You see my consumption of unrealistic ideals about love fed the hopeless romantic in me and when I encountered the reality of a love affair, it resulted in heartbreak.
Loving someone isn’t as easy or simple as I thought it was. The way I expressed love is not necessarily the way the other person feels love. Intimate relationships are freaking hard and require real effort from those involved. Putting on your big girl panties/big man boxers and apologizing when needed, having those uncomfortably necessary conversations about expectations and beliefs, and even allowing oneself to not be threatened by the growth of one’s partner are all essential.
I think I’ve found a better approach to love affairs moving forward. I’m going to eat. I don’t handle hunger well. When I’m hungry I become withdrawn and easily irritable about EVERYTHING! It’s never intentional to not eat on time, sometimes it just happens. I’m unable to focus because my thoughts are on how quickly I can find something to satisfy my hunger. I also try my best not to have conversations of any importance because my words and tone tend to be sharp and biting. And most importantly I’m learning not to dwell any challenges I may be experiencing at the time, cuz then I end up even further down the rabbit hole and quite miserable at the problem that isn’t a problem and how it can negatively affect me not realizing that it’s all made up worst-case scenarios all because I didn’t eat. And how I’ve snapped at someone dear to me and they’re hurt and confused at this display of unnecessary anger. Then I’m left feeling crappy because my behavior really wasn’t necessary and having to apologize while hoping that I’m forgiven.
Now you may be wondering what the hell does eating have to do with falling in love cuz they both seem totally irrelevant. And so, I’ll ask you this, how many times have you fallen in love, when you weren’t satisfied with how your life is going?
This magnificent person comes along and gives you everything you ever wanted. They lavish you with attention, stroke your ego, and shower you with gifts. They prioritize your every need and desire. They flaunt you as the ultimate prize, which you already think you are. And now you’ve fallen in love.
You’re in love and lonely…
Lonely because there is still some hunger left unmet…
I’m slowly learning to feed my soul, turns out it is a lot more satisfying than feeding my physical hunger. I’m learning to set boundaries, gracefully releasing any relationship and belief that no longer serves me. I’m no longer exaggerating life’s challenges, instead, I’m learning the lesson, hoping never to repeat them. I’m growing in love these days and turns out it’s as delicious as those historical romance novels.
I love the Olympic games!
Every Olympic season I prep myself for superb athleticism. Whether it’s watching Michael Phelps glide through the waters or Usian Bolt literally bolting around the tracks.
I LOVE it!
OMG if you’ve never watched the long distance runners, you should stop reading right now and check it out right now. Watching Eluid Kipchoge dominate his race makes my heart smile. The only person I missed this Olympic games was The Amazing Mo-Farah. The elation on their faces when they cross the finish line is unlike anything you’ll ever witness. The ultimate highlight of the games is knowing that The Bahamas ALWAYS wins a medal and this year we dominated the 400 meters. This year I watched the Olympic games solo and there were a lot of teachable moments.
Teachable Moment One.
Long distance runner Sifan Hassan was running a qualifying heat for the 1500 meters, and right at the end of the race just before she makes the move to take over, sis was toppled and fell to the ground. My heart literally sank, you see Sifan Hassan planned to run the 1500, 5000 and 10000 meters, so to watch her possibly not qualify was disheartening. I wanted her to medal in every single one of those events and apparently she wanted it too. Sifan literally bounced up from her fall and went on to win her heat and eventually a silver medal in the 1500 meters. That race I had to re-watch multiple times, it was just that impressive. She epitomized “if you want it bad enough you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse”! How badly do you want your life goals?
Teachable Moment Two.
When it was announced that Shaunae Miller-Uibo would represent The Bahamas in both the 200 and 400 meters, I imagined her having 2 gold medals dangling around her neck at the end of the games. Watching her get dusted out in the 200 meter finals and coming in 8th startled me. Sis is a runner, she’s a track star. I was concerned even after hearing her rationale, which was she felt some discomfort and knowing she still had the 400 meter race coming up she opted to not push herself, I wondered about her mental state after such a loss. How does one take such an L and then hours later come back to compete against all these magnificent runners! Shaunae showed us how it’s done! Sis came out and BODIED that race. Not only did she win, she won by a freaking chasm! Every single time I watched that race, and I’ve watched it at least 100 times, I smile. You have to know when to push yourself harder and when to slow down and pace yourself and NEVER allow a loss to mentally cripple you. Do a Shaunae and shake that shit off and move onto the next challenge.
Teachable Moment Three
Karani James, bronze medalist men’s 400 for Grenda, draping The Bahamian flag around Steven Gardiner’s shoulders after Steven won the gold medal, really warmed my heart. Real sportsmanship and respect right there. Karani’s excitement in his own performance was palpable and his respect and admiration for Steven’s talent is what the games are all about. No jealousy just good energy. I love it! Everything in life is seasonal don’t ever forget that. Congratulate others in their winning season knowing that your time is coming.
Did you watch the Olympic Games this year? Any moments stood out to you? Feel free to share in the comments and if there’s a link to watch the event share that as well
I grew up in a home where I had always heard about being equally yoked in relationships. Innocently, or naively I thought it meant you should share the same religious beliefs with your mate, thus making your marriage life easier. So right into adulthood I pretty much stayed away from men whose religious beliefs differed drastically from mine. After all, compromising my beliefs or even making sacrifices for a potential spouse just didn’t sit right with my spirit. I mean why give up delicacies like crab and crawfish for someone else’s conviction? Several failed relationships later and a plethora of experiences later I realized that being equally yoked is at the core of a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
Funny enough I’ve had fulfilling and enjoyable friendships with people with varying religious beliefs. And in hindsight, I’m understanding that fundamentally we had similar goals and ideas about a lot of things so religious belief was not the issue. We were able to provide each other with insight from different perspectives minus judgment. Our approach towards finances, well-being, education, and entertainment were in alignment and so these relationships bloomed. Notwithstanding families, careers, distance, and just life happening these relationships, with their sturdy foundations, thrives.
On the other hand, the intimate relationships barely threaded water, and now I’m finally understanding why. Most, if not all, were based on purely animalistic attraction peppered with occasional intellectually stimulating conversations.
Was real effort made to solidify a foundation that would hold under pressure? I honestly can’t say yes to that.
Were there real honest conversations about childbearing & rearing, individual short and long-term goals?
Were we open and honest about how we viewed finances (saving, investing, enjoying, retiring)?
I’m sure we are all aware that finances or the lack of it, is a major killer of relationships. And even knowing this most people don’t discuss, agree, and work intentionally towards healthy financial lives.
Or is it just me?
For me personally, I knew it was the fear of offending my partner that caused me to not speak out on things I didn’t agree with. Ultimately, those relationships ended. So, I say always respectfully communicate with your partner about the things that align with your belief and value system.
Having these uncomfortable necessary conversations can possibly result in the most beautiful intimate relationship ever and may save you a lot of wasted time.
Trust people to be exactly who they show you that they are!
Happiness is an inside job, and you can’t change or fix any one.
Please don’t ever forget this.
Understanding this I shall continue to pursue that which excites me.
I shall seek opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone and aligns with who I am and my goals.
Should the opportunity to date arise, I shall have those necessary uncomfortable conversations with my potential partner, ensuring that we’re equally yoked on what’s most important to our relationship
After all who doesn’t want a fulfilling and satisfying intimate relationship.
My goal is to always strive to be better than the person I was the day before, and in pursuing this goal there were 10 things I realized have helped me considerably.
- Read. Yes read a whole book, not just an occasional article or meme. Books can change the way you think about things. Different perspective is always good.
2. Be willing to live the way other people won’t so that you can live the way other people can’t.
3. Learn to cook the foods you enjoy. Cooking opens a whole new world of exploration and enjoyment.
4. Learn to budget your money in a way that makes you feel responsible and liberated not restricted. Always budget in your entertainment money baby!
5. Get moving! Your body gets stronger the more you move it. So find some form if physical activity that you enjoy or that you want to master it. Bonus point, exercise helps you to manager stress :).
6. Clean and organize your space. Everything has a place so put it there.
7. Figure out what is is that you want out of life and go after it, relentlessly. Learn to plan your day, week, month, year. Knowing what you want and planning towards it helps to keep you focused on achieving your goals
8. Learn to commit. Life will happen and throw you for a loop and these are the times when you have to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Interest will get you started but commitment will keep you going
9. Be present and enjoy life. Be intentional about spending time with those you love, giving them you undivided attention. Your children will enjoy the times you spent together a lot more than the toys you got them.
10. Start over as many times as you need to. Starting over can be tough but you’ll be starting over with a better understanding.
What are some things you’ve done that has helped you to become a more refined version of yourself? Be sure to share, I would love to know.
After the marriage proposal, the happy couple immediately started calling all their friends and family spreading the good news. It did not quite play out that way for me.
Me, twenty something.
Valentine’s Day. I had gotten my boyfriend of about ten years, a bouquet of red roses. I thought it was a sweet declaration of love, and the roses were a great price. My boss was selling them discounted to staff, so why not get him a dozen red roses? He picked me up from work accompanied by his friend. This worked in my favor as this meant that I had an audience for my grand gesture, I stepped out of the office building with this beautiful display of roses and presented it to him with a smack on the lips and a “Happy Valentine’s Day my love!”
His face beamed as he blushed not even trying to contain his appreciation and excitement. Mission accomplished, for me. We were not the couple who celebrated Valentine’s Day ever. We were both practical, lazy shoppers or maybe we weren’t that interested in each other or the relationship. Heaven only knows.
Anyway, the evening was spent doing what we always did mid-week. We fed the birds, chat about nothing and everything while watching TV. An hour or so into our evening he left the apartment to pick up our takeout dinner. He didn’t offer to take me with him. I honestly didn’t want to put on clothes and leave the house, so I opted to wait on him without suspicion.
When he returned; I was seated on the floor legs crossed engrossed in some book. I started to get up to assist with spreading out our meal, but he insisted that he had it under control. I sat down, allowing my man to serve me. After all, who does not like to be served by their love? The food was absolutely vile, but we sat there and ate like troopers since neither one of us wanted to cook at that point. Half- way through our meal I left the room to get something when I stepped back into the room, he grasped my hands and fell on one knee.
I knew immediately what this meant! He was going to propose to me.
I didn’t feel any excitement at all.
I wanted to lift him off his knees.
How could I tell him stop?
His eyes were soft sweet, and sincere.
How dare I say no!
Is marriage not every woman’s dream? Especially after dating for 10 years with a child.
Didn’t I love this man?
Hell yes! I loved this man. Dammit it I Love this man. However, the timing was not right. We were going through some serious changes, and it would have been best to work through them minus the pressure and expectations marriage.
So, I said yes….
How the hell could I not say yes!
This was a decade of dating and a life time of memories! How could I possibly say anything but yes?
I was about to get married in a year’s time.
If my reservations were not enough to walk away. My fiance immediately gave me a list of things I would have to stop doing and a list of things I would have to start doing now that I had agreed to being his wife.
There was no pause between me saying yes and him stating his demands.
I was floored!
10 years and a lifetime of memories and dude had the audacity to flip the switch on me!
This again should have caused me to back pedal.
However, I didn’t. We told our families and started planning our wedding.
Date set and no concrete plans. One week before the wedding and we called it quits. Honestly, it was me not we. I felt trapped and my prison walls were closing in on me as we got closer to THE DAY. The challenges we were experiencing had ballooned into more than the relationship could handle. Let me fix that, I hadn’t matured enough to recognize or even had the willingness nor interest to put in the effort required to make the relationship work. Nor was I willing to allow myself to be stifled by the expectations of others. We loved each other, but there was no room for me to grow outside of the relationship. And although it’s never easy to leave familiar faces and places sometimes one has to in order to get to know oneself.
Life really is like a box of chocolates, just like Forrest Gump said. I plan to keep it moving no matter what I encounter. Red flags will not be overlooked just because my emotions are raging and standards will be share from the onset so that no one feels strung along.
Have you ever felt like you’re losing yourself for the sake of a relationship?
As I was drenched in sweat, gasping for breathe running around the park this past Thursday, I had an epiphany.
I don’t celebrate my small victories. I really don’t and from that day forward I promise that I will start.
2 weeks ago I committed to training to run a 5K by end of August 2021. I searched for the perfect app to help me get started and I strapped up and hit the track. After the first day I was sore in some strange places and at the end of the first week, I was mashed the hell up! Mashed up and syked to get started with week 2, so much so that I told my accountability partner so that there would be no backing out for me. At the end of 2 weeks I was jogging for a full 2 minutes without stopping. I know I know 2 minutes is no time and a mile can’t be ran in 2 minutes, however for me, this was a major step towards me accomplishing my goal of being able to run a 5k by August 31 2021 and I am freaking proud of myself for it. These training sessions has reminded me of two really important life lessons
Break it Down
My goals always seemed insurmountable whenever I thought about them. And while panting around that track I finally understood why. It was because I hardly ever break it down in smaller steps. Sounds pretty simple right?!! So simple that I totally overlooked it. My body has to be gradually prepare for this transformation. The goal is not to just run a 5K but to run the 5K without injury. I am sure we have all heard the saying that “a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” but how many of us really understand how profound this simple line is? Moving forward I’m starting with the big picture in mind, however I now have my baby steps written down to guide me. Yes I’ll be running a 5K by August 31 2021 but as of today I’ll be running my 2 consecutive minutes with ease. Side note, I’m loving how my body is feeling these days 🙂
Comparison really STEALS your joy
I have to constantly remind myself that the only person I’m competing with is the person in the mirror! On day 1 of training, I completed a mile in 14.05 minutes. This really stroked my ego, had me feeling like Usian Bolt. That’s how pleased I was with myself. On day 2 of training I completed a mile in 14.29, it dampened my spirit a bit but not enough to stop me. Day 2 of week 2 I finished a mile in 16 minutes, I was flabbergasted. How? How the hell did I add 2 mins? How could I be so lazy as to gain 2 minutes? was my initial thought until I gathered myself and changed my self talk. I’m allowed to fall short, I am, however, not allowed to quit. There are days when I am on my A Game and that day was one of those days. Having an off day doesn’t mean that I stop training completely. This again had me thinking about my life in general, how many times,because I encountered a challenge or pit fall, did I changed course completely? Sad to say I’ve done just that many times. Quit just cuz things didn’t go exactly as I had them planned. Not any more. These past 2 weeks I’ve learned to give myself the same grace I would give others. To remind myself of the importance of consistently showing up for myself. My story is my story and it’s not to be compared to ANYTHING. Always stay focused on what I want and it SHALL be mine. Yes I had a 16 minutes mile however I went out the next day and the next day and I’ll keep going out training until I’m able to successfully run a 5K and who knows maybe even a full marathon one day.
The commitment to run a 5K by the end of August 2021 is purely personal challenge for me. I’m committed to challenging myself in 2021, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It pleases me to see myself get stronger and being able to show my children how important it is to chase their dreams and challenge themselves keeps me going.
Enough about me and my goals, what are some your goals for 2021?
Have you encountered a pitfall that caused you to get off track? If so, have you gotten back on track? If not don’t beat yourself up about it.
Always remember, life is short and God is Good! Every day is a chance to start over and get on with accomplishing your goals!
So I challenge you to get out there and do what makes your soul smile.
Remember when people told us single folks that we have to get out the house to meet a potential partner? Well Tinder has definitely determined that that was lie! From the comfort of your comfortable bed, all you have to do is download the app to your device of choice and swipe left or right :).
So a few days ago a friend called me out for not making an effort to date and I rose to the challenge. I signed up for Tinder. I know there are a lot of other options but sis wasn’t trying to overthink and eventually allow my fear to keep me in the that mindless information gathering stage. An added bonus for me was the fact that Tinder matched me with people who were geographically close enough to me that we could meet for coffee, sooner rather than later.
I honestly love an organic relationship but when you’re as much of a homebody as I am, then Tinder(or your online dating platform of choice) is a great idea. I know it has only been a week but here are three (3) lessons I’ve learnt on my week long Tinder adventure.
Tinder is freaking OVERWHELMING! Within minutes of verifying my account, I was swamped with messages. It was fun that first night but waking up to all those messages I felt a tad bit overwhelmed. I am, however, a very curious aka nosey, individual so my ass clicked through every single message and looked at every profile :). While going through these messages I keep thinking about how do I deal with it all. Do I at least acknowledge each? Or do I only acknowledge if I was interested? The latter seemed kinda rude to me. And although I’m nosey, I don’t like being rude unnecessarily. So I consulted my friend who initially challenged me, sis was as lost as I, so I opted to only respond to those who piqued my curiosity. I LOVED oogling the variety while I was on Tinder, but Lord knows I don’t have time to be answering the these basic questions like, “what’s your favorite color/food?”.
Idleness and boredom is at the root of my most questionable decisions. I allowed myself to be baited hence the reason I joined Tinder. I was operating on pure emotions, with not much logic involved. Hence the reason I am no longer on Tinder. I used to think that emotions were important when dating, maturity has taught me otherwise. I’m no longer wanting just a good time, I want a good time with a partner who is actively pursuing their passion and will find time to nurture us because it’s as important to him as it is to me.
Be sure of what you want, in life and especially in your intimate relationship. I quickly realized that Tinder was a great place to “hook-up”. Definitely not where I want to be. I don’t judge anyone for what they do cuz I’m fifty shades of questionable ;). I was forewarned about this however I didn’t wanna seem like I was looking for excuses not to step out of my comfort zone. I know that I want a relationship that I could grow in and nurture and so anyone who was down for good time and not a long time, I politely moon slid away from. Knowing what you want in life has kept me from making too many detours with people who aren’t on the same path.
Dating as I knew it many moons ago has changed drastically. At 18 I met my then-boyfriend through a friend and honestly an online dating site would not have been able to capture all of his personality. However, online dating has broadened the dating pool considerably. I am now able to meet credible options from all over the world! It was a beautiful experience while it lasted and one has to always be mindful of the real life predators ready to pounce. Not everyone on these apps are looking for the same experience as you, so meet at public venues and always let someone you trust know who and where you are at ALL times. I personally took a friend with me as a safety precaution. I’m ready to date and I’m not willing to sacrifice my safety or morals to date.
Have you ever tried online dating? What was your experience like? Remember I’m hella curious aka nosey, so I’m opened to listening to your online dating shenanigans.