It was purely accidental that we crossed each others paths. I hadn’t spoken to him in years. I thought of him quite frequently though. After every failed attempt of dating. After being ghosted after what I thought was a great exchange. While lying in bed wondering if I’d ever experience another healthy intimate relationship. It had been so long since I had seen him in person that I had begun to believe that I had imagined us. The teasing from friends had started as gentle nudges and now they were filled with pity towards my chronic singleness.
So to stumble upon him, in a busy airport, was so unexpected. There we were, both travelling solo while waiting for the same delayed flight with a few hours to spare. I was presented with perhaps my only opportunity to for closure and I took it.
We made our way to the coffee shop to grab a bite to eat while catching up. We took our time and caught up on old friends and family. We spoke about our careers and even touched on our dating before there was a lull. Giving me an opportunity to really ask the question that I’ve always wanted to ask.
“What happened to us?”
He smiled sadly and glanced away. For a minute I didn’t think he was going to answer me. I shifted uncomfortably as the silence seemed to stretched on for forever. Finally he took a deep breath and looked dead in the eyes and answered me.
“I never was able to trust you when it mattered the most. You weaponized my vulnerability against me. When you couldn’t get your way you brought up any traumatic childhood experience I shared with you. I opened up to you in ways I had never done before and you used it against me. The first time was when a private conversation between us was mentioned by your friend and you apologized but insisted that I was over reacting and because it was the first time I forgave you. But then I noticed it happened again and so I had to be mindful of what we spoke about. How can I build a life with a woman I can’t trust to keep our relationship between us? I felt betrayed. Did I want to be having the same conversation about respecting my privacy? I didn’t and so I left.”
I sat there in stunned silence. I had gotten what I asked for but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the raw honesty. We sat and chat some more until our flight was called but I can’t say what it was about. His answers kept playing in my mind. Was this what closure felt like? Being so stunned that you’re in auto pilot with no idea of what’s really happening?
In spite of all that had transpired I gathered that he was quite happy. He wasn’t living in regret. He had taken a chance on love and when that didn’t work he moved on. And maybe it was time for me to do the same…