Equally Yoked…

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I grew up in a home where I had always heard about being equally yoked in relationships. Innocently, or naively I thought it meant you should share the same religious beliefs with your mate, thus making your marriage life easier. So right into adulthood I pretty much stayed away from men whose religious beliefs differed drastically from mine. After all, compromising my beliefs or even making sacrifices for a potential spouse just didn’t sit right with my spirit. I mean why give up delicacies like crab and crawfish for someone else’s conviction? Several failed relationships later and a plethora of experiences later I realized that being equally yoked is at the core of a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

Funny enough I’ve had fulfilling and enjoyable friendships with people with varying religious beliefs. And in hindsight, I’m understanding that fundamentally we had similar goals and ideas about a lot of things so religious belief was not the issue. We were able to provide each other with insight from different perspectives minus judgment. Our approach towards finances, well-being, education, and entertainment were in alignment and so these relationships bloomed. Notwithstanding families, careers, distance, and just life happening these relationships, with their sturdy foundations, thrives. 

On the other hand, the intimate relationships barely threaded water, and now I’m finally understanding why. Most, if not all, were based on purely animalistic attraction peppered with occasional intellectually stimulating conversations.

Was real effort made to solidify a foundation that would hold under pressure? I honestly can’t say yes to that. 

Were there real honest conversations about childbearing & rearing, individual short and long-term goals?

Were we open and honest about how we viewed finances (saving, investing, enjoying, retiring)?

I’m sure we are all aware that finances or the lack of it, is a major killer of relationships. And even knowing this most people don’t discuss, agree, and work intentionally towards healthy financial lives. 

Or is it just me?

For me personally, I knew it was the fear of offending my partner that caused me to not speak out on things I didn’t agree with. Ultimately, those relationships ended. So, I say always respectfully communicate with your partner about the things that align with your belief and value system.

Having these uncomfortable necessary conversations can possibly result in the most beautiful intimate relationship ever and may save you a lot of wasted time.

Trust people to be exactly who they show you that they are!

Happiness is an inside job, and you can’t change or fix any one.

Please don’t ever forget this.

Understanding this I shall continue to pursue that which excites me. 

I shall seek opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone and aligns with who I am and my goals. 

Should the opportunity to date arise, I shall have those necessary uncomfortable conversations with my potential partner, ensuring that we’re equally yoked on what’s most important to our relationship

After all who doesn’t want a fulfilling and satisfying intimate relationship.

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