Life as a Single Woman

I’ve been a single woman for a while, at first I was envious of all the lovely couples strolling around snapping their cute pictures and licking their ice cream cones. It took me not focusing on my lack of a boyfriend and focusing on the things that I wanted to learn or things that I enjoy for me to really start really living my best life. It was like a whole new world opened up to me, I am able to frolic and flirt as I wish, I could hang out with friends at the drop of a hat and I am able to singlemindedly pursue my dreams and hobbies. I could even spend the entire weekend curled up in bed reading to my heart’s content. Nowadays I’m snapping pictures and licking the ice cream cone, yes I’m alone and I’m still enjoying these small pleasures while flashing my mile-wide smile. But Lord knows there are times I miss having a partner to handle some things for me or at least to listen to me moan and groan about some things as they pop up.

Car issues

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, every single woman, especially one who drives a second-hand car, must have the contact of an honest, reliable mechanic. I’m not sure they exist so I personally have 3. Whenever old faithful is having an issue I call mechanics #1 and #2 have them diagnose the issue and then I go to mechanic #3 and we discuss what #1 and #2 had to say. #3 could be considered my consultant, he’s too old to do any of the physical work but he’ll make sure that none of these young champs swing me aka do me dirty! Now you may be thinking, geez chick that’s a lot and I agree it really is. However, it saves me the hassle of paying for the same job twice or for mechanical work that I don’t even need. So honey child get you that honest reliable mechanic or 3 like I do.

Plumbing Issues

The other day I had a messy situation, literally, a messy situation. My toilet backed it and threaten to overflow. This is a freaking traumatic experience or it really could be that I was already overwhelmed and just didn’t need anything else falling apart. Picture it, it’s Monday at 5:30 PM and I’m logged into an evening class session and the freaking toilet decided to get clogged. How dare this toilet backup!! I was not mentally prepared for that ish, nor did I have the number of the plumber. Several phone calls later and 1 hour later the plumber came and snaked my toilet and gave me the bill. In total awe I paid him and at that moment went online and ordered myself a snake. Dude was in my bathroom for all of 5 minutes and just like magic my toilet woes were solved. Remember I’m hella nosey so I stood there and watched him while he worked and asked 101 questions. Not only have I ordered my snake I plan to have a mechanic walk me through the basics of unclogging my toilet. Toilets only clog at inconvenient times and I plan to be a lot prepared.

A toolbox

Did you ever had the great idea to rearrange your living space in the middle of the night and need to hang some pictures only to find that you have absolutely nothing that could help you. No drill. No hammer. No screw drivers shoots not even some screws or nails. Zilch. The most frustrating feeling of having to wait when you’re in a flow and have to wait. So go get the basic tool box and a drill. You just never know when you’re gonna have to set up some new furniture or hang a picture frame or wall ornament. Get a glue gun and glue sticks while you’re at it. Trust me on this you just don’t know how handy these things are.

Patience

You’re gonna need it sister. Things hardly ever go as planned and getting impatient don’t help at all. Have patience with yourself as you’re learning new things. Have patience when you’ve called the service man and it’s 3 hours later and he said he was 10 minutes away. So practice deep breathing to keep you calm while you wait

Home bar

Life happens quickly and some times it drags on forever and nothing makes the wait more enjoyable than sipping on your favorite adult beverage of choice. Having it home also saves you a butt load of money. Personally I’m a vodka and tonic with a twist if lime. Sidenote I’m also a light weight so my drinks are 3 parts tonic water aka a whole can with a shot of vodka. This is absolutely delicious and I’m able to curl up after a long day and have me drink and read. Even if I have friends over we’re able to enjoy each other’s company and have several drinks in the process.

Life as a single gal is certainly an adventure. Mostly a quiet adventure and I enjoy it. In no way am I knocking those in relationships, I love seeing happy couples. What I am saying is life can be lit whether you’re coupled or single.

Happy Sunday

Never Falling in Love Again

Throughout my teen years, I consumed copious amounts of romance novels. It started with the Mills & Bones, and from there it went on to Harlequin Romance and then to my all-time favorite historical romance. They’re absolutely delicious! Side note, I don’t understand why more young boys don’t read romance novels, those sex scenes are as detailed and graphic as any adult film. Combined with the great storyline, these romance novels are amazing!

I fell in love with the strong-willed heroine. She was always a sensible, sensual woman, with no urge or longing for marriage. She wasn’t repelled by the idea of marriage and a family; however, she knew there was more to life than being a wife and mother. She wanted to explore the world. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t fearful of going after it. She was relatable. However, when she found her partner she learned to yield. In spite of all the changes and challenges, the heroine always ended up with her hero. After all, LOVE CONQUERS IT ALL!

You see my consumption of unrealistic ideals about love fed the hopeless romantic in me and when I encountered the reality of a love affair, it resulted in heartbreak.

Loving someone isn’t as easy or simple as I thought it was. The way I expressed love is not necessarily the way the other person feels love. Intimate relationships are freaking hard and require real effort from those involved. Putting on your big girl panties/big man boxers and apologizing when needed, having those uncomfortably necessary conversations about expectations and beliefs, and even allowing oneself to not be threatened by the growth of one’s partner are all essential.

I think I’ve found a better approach to love affairs moving forward. I’m going to eat. I don’t handle hunger well. When I’m hungry I become withdrawn and easily irritable about EVERYTHING! It’s never intentional to not eat on time, sometimes it just happens. I’m unable to focus because my thoughts are on how quickly I can find something to satisfy my hunger. I also try my best not to have conversations of any importance because my words and tone tend to be sharp and biting. And most importantly I’m learning not to dwell any challenges I may be experiencing at the time, cuz then I end up even further down the rabbit hole and quite miserable at the problem that isn’t a problem and how it can negatively affect me not realizing that it’s all made up worst-case scenarios all because I didn’t eat. And how I’ve snapped at someone dear to me and they’re hurt and confused at this display of unnecessary anger. Then I’m left feeling crappy because my behavior really wasn’t necessary and having to apologize while hoping that I’m forgiven.

Now you may be wondering what the hell does eating have to do with falling in love cuz they both seem totally irrelevant. And so, I’ll ask you this, how many times have you fallen in love, when you weren’t satisfied with how your life is going?

This magnificent person comes along and gives you everything you ever wanted. They lavish you with attention, stroke your ego, and shower you with gifts. They prioritize your every need and desire. They flaunt you as the ultimate prize, which you already think you are. And now you’ve fallen in love.

You’re in love and lonely…

Lonely because there is still some hunger left unmet…

I’m slowly learning to feed my soul, turns out it is a lot more satisfying than feeding my physical hunger. I’m learning to set boundaries, gracefully releasing any relationship and belief that no longer serves me. I’m no longer exaggerating life’s challenges, instead, I’m learning the lesson, hoping never to repeat them. I’m growing in love these days and turns out it’s as delicious as those historical romance novels.

Happy Sunday

Olympic Games Tokyo 2021

I love the Olympic games!

Every Olympic season I prep myself for superb athleticism. Whether it’s watching Michael Phelps glide through the waters or Usian Bolt literally bolting around the tracks.

I LOVE it!

OMG if you’ve never watched the long distance runners, you should stop reading right now and check it out right now. Watching Eluid Kipchoge dominate his race makes my heart smile. The only person I missed this Olympic games was The Amazing Mo-Farah. The elation on their faces when they cross the finish line is unlike anything you’ll ever witness. The ultimate highlight of the games is knowing that The Bahamas ALWAYS wins a medal and this year we dominated the 400 meters. This year I watched the Olympic games solo and there were a lot of teachable moments.

Teachable Moment One.

Long distance runner Sifan Hassan was running a qualifying heat for the 1500 meters, and right at the end of the race just before she makes the move to take over, sis was toppled and fell to the ground. My heart literally sank, you see Sifan Hassan planned to run the 1500, 5000 and 10000 meters, so to watch her possibly not qualify was disheartening. I wanted her to medal in every single one of those events and apparently she wanted it too. Sifan literally bounced up from her fall and went on to win her heat and eventually a silver medal in the 1500 meters. That race I had to re-watch multiple times, it was just that impressive. She epitomized “if you want it bad enough you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse”! How badly do you want your life goals?

Teachable Moment Two.

When it was announced that Shaunae Miller-Uibo would represent The Bahamas in both the 200 and 400 meters, I imagined her having 2 gold medals dangling around her neck at the end of the games. Watching her get dusted out in the 200 meter finals and coming in 8th startled me. Sis is a runner, she’s a track star. I was concerned even after hearing her rationale, which was she felt some discomfort and knowing she still had the 400 meter race coming up she opted to not push herself, I wondered about her mental state after such a loss. How does one take such an L and then hours later come back to compete against all these magnificent runners! Shaunae showed us how it’s done! Sis came out and BODIED that race. Not only did she win, she won by a freaking chasm! Every single time I watched that race, and I’ve watched it at least 100 times, I smile. You have to know when to push yourself harder and when to slow down and pace yourself and NEVER allow a loss to mentally cripple you. Do a Shaunae and shake that shit off and move onto the next challenge.

Teachable Moment Three

Karani James, bronze medalist men’s 400 for Grenda, draping The Bahamian flag around Steven Gardiner’s shoulders after Steven won the gold medal, really warmed my heart. Real sportsmanship and respect right there. Karani’s excitement in his own performance was palpable and his respect and admiration for Steven’s talent is what the games are all about. No jealousy just good energy. I love it! Everything in life is seasonal don’t ever forget that. Congratulate others in their winning season knowing that your time is coming.

Did you watch the Olympic Games this year? Any moments stood out to you? Feel free to share in the comments and if there’s a link to watch the event share that as well

Happy Sunday

Equally Yoked…

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I grew up in a home where I had always heard about being equally yoked in relationships. Innocently, or naively I thought it meant you should share the same religious beliefs with your mate, thus making your marriage life easier. So right into adulthood I pretty much stayed away from men whose religious beliefs differed drastically from mine. After all, compromising my beliefs or even making sacrifices for a potential spouse just didn’t sit right with my spirit. I mean why give up delicacies like crab and crawfish for someone else’s conviction? Several failed relationships later and a plethora of experiences later I realized that being equally yoked is at the core of a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

Funny enough I’ve had fulfilling and enjoyable friendships with people with varying religious beliefs. And in hindsight, I’m understanding that fundamentally we had similar goals and ideas about a lot of things so religious belief was not the issue. We were able to provide each other with insight from different perspectives minus judgment. Our approach towards finances, well-being, education, and entertainment were in alignment and so these relationships bloomed. Notwithstanding families, careers, distance, and just life happening these relationships, with their sturdy foundations, thrives. 

On the other hand, the intimate relationships barely threaded water, and now I’m finally understanding why. Most, if not all, were based on purely animalistic attraction peppered with occasional intellectually stimulating conversations.

Was real effort made to solidify a foundation that would hold under pressure? I honestly can’t say yes to that. 

Were there real honest conversations about childbearing & rearing, individual short and long-term goals?

Were we open and honest about how we viewed finances (saving, investing, enjoying, retiring)?

I’m sure we are all aware that finances or the lack of it, is a major killer of relationships. And even knowing this most people don’t discuss, agree, and work intentionally towards healthy financial lives. 

Or is it just me?

For me personally, I knew it was the fear of offending my partner that caused me to not speak out on things I didn’t agree with. Ultimately, those relationships ended. So, I say always respectfully communicate with your partner about the things that align with your belief and value system.

Having these uncomfortable necessary conversations can possibly result in the most beautiful intimate relationship ever and may save you a lot of wasted time.

Trust people to be exactly who they show you that they are!

Happiness is an inside job, and you can’t change or fix any one.

Please don’t ever forget this.

Understanding this I shall continue to pursue that which excites me. 

I shall seek opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone and aligns with who I am and my goals. 

Should the opportunity to date arise, I shall have those necessary uncomfortable conversations with my potential partner, ensuring that we’re equally yoked on what’s most important to our relationship

After all who doesn’t want a fulfilling and satisfying intimate relationship.