10 things to start doing if you want to be a better person

My goal is to always strive to be better than the person I was the day before, and in pursuing this goal there were 10 things I realized have helped me considerably.

  1. Read. Yes read a whole book, not just an occasional article or meme. Books can change the way you think about things. Different perspective is always good.

2. Be willing to live the way other people won’t so that you can live the way other people can’t.

3. Learn to cook the foods you enjoy. Cooking opens a whole new world of exploration and enjoyment.

4. Learn to budget your money in a way that makes you feel responsible and liberated not restricted. Always budget in your entertainment money baby!

5. Get moving! Your body gets stronger the more you move it. So find some form if physical activity that you enjoy or that you want to master it. Bonus point, exercise helps you to manager stress :).

6. Clean and organize your space. Everything has a place so put it there.

7. Figure out what is is that you want out of life and go after it, relentlessly. Learn to plan your day, week, month, year. Knowing what you want and planning towards it helps to keep you focused on achieving your goals

8. Learn to commit. Life will happen and throw you for a loop and these are the times when you have to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Interest will get you started but commitment will keep you going

9. Be present and enjoy life. Be intentional about spending time with those you love, giving them you undivided attention. Your children will enjoy the times you spent together a lot more than the toys you got them.

10. Start over as many times as you need to. Starting over can be tough but you’ll be starting over with a better understanding.

What are some things you’ve done that has helped you to become a more refined version of yourself? Be sure to share, I would love to know.

Happy Sunday

To Honour and Obey

After the marriage proposal, the happy couple immediately started calling all their friends and family spreading the good news. It did not quite play out that way for me.

Picture it.

Me, twenty something.

Valentine’s Day. I had gotten my boyfriend of about ten years, a bouquet of red roses. I thought it was a sweet declaration of love, and the roses were a great price. My boss was selling them discounted to staff, so why not get him a dozen red roses? He picked me up from work accompanied by his friend. This worked in my favor as this meant that I had an audience for my grand gesture, I stepped out of the office building with this beautiful display of roses and presented it to him with a smack on the lips and a “Happy Valentine’s Day my love!”

His face beamed as he blushed not even trying to contain his appreciation and excitement. Mission accomplished, for me. We were not the couple who celebrated Valentine’s Day ever. We were both practical, lazy shoppers or maybe we weren’t that interested in each other or the relationship. Heaven only knows.

Anyway, the evening was spent doing what we always did mid-week. We fed the birds, chat about nothing and everything while watching TV. An hour or so into our evening he left the apartment to pick up our takeout dinner. He didn’t offer to take me with him. I honestly didn’t want to put on clothes and leave the house, so I opted to wait on him without suspicion.

When he returned; I was seated on the floor legs crossed engrossed in some book. I started to get up to assist with spreading out our meal, but he insisted that he had it under control. I sat down, allowing my man to serve me. After all, who does not like to be served by their love? The food was absolutely vile, but we sat there and ate like troopers since neither one of us wanted to cook at that point. Half- way through our meal I left the room to get something when I stepped back into the room, he grasped my hands and fell on one knee.

I knew immediately what this meant! He was going to propose to me.

I didn’t feel any excitement at all.

I wanted to lift him off his knees.

How could I tell him stop?

His eyes were soft sweet, and sincere.

How dare I say no!

Is marriage not every woman’s dream? Especially after dating for 10 years with a child.

Didn’t I love this man?

Hell yes! I loved this man. Dammit it I Love this man. However, the timing was not right. We were going through some serious changes, and it would have been best to work through them minus the pressure and expectations marriage.

So, I said yes….

How the hell could I not say yes!

This was a decade of dating and a life time of memories! How could I possibly say anything but yes?
I was about to get married in a year’s time.

If my reservations were not enough to walk away. My fiance immediately gave me a list of things I would have to stop doing and a list of things I would have to start doing now that I had agreed to being his wife.
There was no pause between me saying yes and him stating his demands.
I was floored!

10 years and a lifetime of memories and dude had the audacity to flip the switch on me!
This again should have caused me to back pedal.

However, I didn’t. We told our families and started planning our wedding.

Date set and no concrete plans. One week before the wedding and we called it quits. Honestly, it was me not we. I felt trapped and my prison walls were closing in on me as we got closer to THE DAY. The challenges we were experiencing had ballooned into more than the relationship could handle. Let me fix that, I hadn’t matured enough to recognize or even had the willingness nor interest to put in the effort required to make the relationship work. Nor was I willing to allow myself to be stifled by the expectations of others. We loved each other, but there was no room for me to grow outside of the relationship. And although it’s never easy to leave familiar faces and places sometimes one has to in order to get to know oneself.

Life really is like a box of chocolates, just like Forrest Gump said. I plan to keep it moving no matter what I encounter. Red flags will not be overlooked just because my emotions are raging and standards will be share from the onset so that no one feels strung along.

Have you ever felt like you’re losing yourself for the sake of a relationship?

Celebrate the Small Victories

As I was drenched in sweat, gasping for breathe running around the park this past Thursday, I had an epiphany.

I don’t celebrate my small victories. I really don’t and from that day forward I promise that I will start.

2 weeks ago I committed to training to run a 5K by end of August 2021. I searched for the perfect app to help me get started and I strapped up and hit the track. After the first day I was sore in some strange places and at the end of the first week, I was mashed the hell up! Mashed up and syked to get started with week 2, so much so that I told my accountability partner so that there would be no backing out for me. At the end of 2 weeks I was jogging for a full 2 minutes without stopping. I know I know 2 minutes is no time and a mile can’t be ran in 2 minutes, however for me, this was a major step towards me accomplishing my goal of being able to run a 5k by August 31 2021 and I am freaking proud of myself for it. These training sessions has reminded me of two really important life lessons

Break it Down

My goals always seemed insurmountable whenever I thought about them. And while panting around that track I finally understood why. It was because I hardly ever break it down in smaller steps. Sounds pretty simple right?!! So simple that I totally overlooked it. My body has to be gradually prepare for this transformation. The goal is not to just run a 5K but to run the 5K without injury. I am sure we have all heard the saying that “a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” but how many of us really understand how profound this simple line is? Moving forward I’m starting with the big picture in mind, however I now have my baby steps written down to guide me. Yes I’ll be running a 5K by August 31 2021 but as of today I’ll be running my 2 consecutive minutes with ease. Side note, I’m loving how my body is feeling these days 🙂

Comparison really STEALS your joy

I have to constantly remind myself that the only person I’m competing with is the person in the mirror! On day 1 of training, I completed a mile in 14.05 minutes. This really stroked my ego, had me feeling like Usian Bolt. That’s how pleased I was with myself. On day 2 of training I completed a mile in 14.29, it dampened my spirit a bit but not enough to stop me. Day 2 of week 2 I finished a mile in 16 minutes, I was flabbergasted. How? How the hell did I add 2 mins? How could I be so lazy as to gain 2 minutes? was my initial thought until I gathered myself and changed my self talk. I’m allowed to fall short, I am, however, not allowed to quit. There are days when I am on my A Game and that day was one of those days. Having an off day doesn’t mean that I stop training completely. This again had me thinking about my life in general, how many times,because I encountered a challenge or pit fall, did I changed course completely? Sad to say I’ve done just that many times. Quit just cuz things didn’t go exactly as I had them planned. Not any more. These past 2 weeks I’ve learned to give myself the same grace I would give others. To remind myself of the importance of consistently showing up for myself. My story is my story and it’s not to be compared to ANYTHING. Always stay focused on what I want and it SHALL be mine. Yes I had a 16 minutes mile however I went out the next day and the next day and I’ll keep going out training until I’m able to successfully run a 5K and who knows maybe even a full marathon one day.

The commitment to run a 5K by the end of August 2021 is purely personal challenge for me. I’m committed to challenging myself in 2021, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It pleases me to see myself get stronger and being able to show my children how important it is to chase their dreams and challenge themselves keeps me going.

Enough about me and my goals, what are some your goals for 2021?

Have you encountered a pitfall that caused you to get off track? If so, have you gotten back on track? If not don’t beat yourself up about it.

Always remember, life is short and God is Good! Every day is a chance to start over and get on with accomplishing your goals!

So I challenge you to get out there and do what makes your soul smile.