My Tinder Experience

Remember when people told us single folks that we have to get out the house to meet a potential partner? Well Tinder has definitely determined that that was lie! From the comfort of your comfortable bed, all you have to do is download the app to your device of choice and swipe left or right :).

So a few days ago a friend called me out for not making an effort to date and I rose to the challenge. I signed up for Tinder. I know there are a lot of other options but sis wasn’t trying to overthink and eventually allow my fear to keep me in the that mindless information gathering stage. An added bonus for me was the fact that Tinder matched me with people who were geographically close enough to me that we could meet for coffee, sooner rather than later.

I honestly love an organic relationship but when you’re as much of a homebody as I am, then Tinder(or your online dating platform of choice) is a great idea. I know it has only been a week but here are three (3) lessons I’ve learnt on my week long Tinder adventure.

Tinder is freaking OVERWHELMING! Within minutes of verifying my account, I was swamped with messages. It was fun that first night but waking up to all those messages I felt a tad bit overwhelmed. I am, however, a very curious aka nosey, individual so my ass clicked through every single message and looked at every profile :). While going through these messages I keep thinking about how do I deal with it all. Do I at least acknowledge each? Or do I only acknowledge if I was interested? The latter seemed kinda rude to me. And although I’m nosey, I don’t like being rude unnecessarily. So I consulted my friend who initially challenged me, sis was as lost as I, so I opted to only respond to those who piqued my curiosity. I LOVED oogling the variety while I was on Tinder, but Lord knows I don’t have time to be answering the these basic questions like, “what’s your favorite color/food?”.

Idleness and boredom is at the root of my most questionable decisions. I allowed myself to be baited hence the reason I joined Tinder. I was operating on pure emotions, with not much logic involved. Hence the reason I am no longer on Tinder. I used to think that emotions were important when dating, maturity has taught me otherwise. I’m no longer wanting just a good time, I want a good time with a partner who is actively pursuing their passion and will find time to nurture us because it’s as important to him as it is to me.

Be sure of what you want, in life and especially in your intimate relationship. I quickly realized that Tinder was a great place to “hook-up”. Definitely not where I want to be. I don’t judge anyone for what they do cuz I’m fifty shades of questionable ;). I was forewarned about this however I didn’t wanna seem like I was looking for excuses not to step out of my comfort zone. I know that I want a relationship that I could grow in and nurture and so anyone who was down for good time and not a long time, I politely moon slid away from. Knowing what you want in life has kept me from making too many detours with people who aren’t on the same path.

Dating as I knew it many moons ago has changed drastically. At 18 I met my then-boyfriend through a friend and honestly an online dating site would not have been able to capture all of his personality. However, online dating has broadened the dating pool considerably. I am now able to meet credible options from all over the world! It was a beautiful experience while it lasted and one has to always be mindful of the real life predators ready to pounce. Not everyone on these apps are looking for the same experience as you, so meet at public venues and always let someone you trust know who and where you are at ALL times. I personally took a friend with me as a safety precaution. I’m ready to date and I’m not willing to sacrifice my safety or morals to date.

Have you ever tried online dating? What was your experience like? Remember I’m hella curious aka nosey, so I’m opened to listening to your online dating shenanigans.

Things I’m Leaving Behind…

A few years ago I dated my dream guy who told me that as a mother, it was not respectable to be wearing a swimsuit.

I was completely baffled at this statement.

There I was coming in from the beach, what else should I have possibly worn to the beach but a swimsuit! FYI, I also had a sexy little cover-up over my swimsuit so you know I was feeling hella sexy. I don’t saying much to him but I do remember throwing on some clothes and heading out with some friends for the evening. I remembered enjoying my night out as well but what I also remembered, is me allowing the opinion of another person to influence what I do. Over the years since that exchange, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times I wore a swimsuit; and if I did wear one it was when I went to the beach alone. I recently spent some time frolicking at the beach in my swimsuit and this thought popped in my head. And for the life of me I couldn’t understand why I allowed his statement to bother me so much, after much thought I realized that it was similar to a statement made to me about the way I dressed as a child growing up. I was always self conscious of how I looked, always spending way too much money on clothing and shoes that I would sometimes have to give away but still shopping :). This realization was a humbling experience for me, so much so that I decided that there were several things I am leaving behind starting NOW.

I’m leaving behind the opinions of others, especially those closest to me. I’m leaving behind their opinions on my relationship choices. I’m leaving behind their opinions on how I’m expected to act. I’m leaving behind their opinion on absolutely EVERYTHING! I understand and appreciate their opinion however it’s time to release myself from living up to the expectations that were placed on me by others.

I’m leaving behind my need to seek outside validation! This was painful realization. If I love you I didn’t establish ANY boundaries. I allowed persons permission to speak on matters that I should not have allowed them too. So moving forward, I’m taking back my power and lovingly setting boundaries with everyone. You see I am enough, just as you are enough, without the input of others. When we were created we were created with EVERYTHING that we need to build the life that we want.

I’m leaving behind the desire to express my opinion. I love to talk and have lots of opinions :)! I’ve also accepted that most times my opinions are not needed nor are they positively impacting so maybe, they should not be voiced! This isn’t to mean I won’t speak on things but more so when I speak it will be to uplift and encourage.

As simple as these may seem, I am looking forward to a mighty impact!

What are you leaving behind as off today?

What’s Holding You Back?

For years I’ve been thinking about getting my act together. Every December 31st I would shout my New Year resolutions out too! I’m sure you’re familiar with it. Becoming financially responsible, incorporating consistent exercise to ensure this beautiful temple is maintained and starting a side hustle that would eventually reap dividends. My main hustle would be able to sustain my family and I. Clean up my diet and cut some people and habits out my life. I’m sure you had grand plans for your life as well and then boom!

You’re almost 40 and uncertain as to where the time went. You’re nowhere close to what you expected your life to be like at this age. Shoots! If you’re like me you may have felt like you’ve lived the same day over and over and the years have slipped away, unbeknownst to you. Now, you’re older and you begin to question whether you’re even able to achieve any of those goals you once had. Then it hits you, oh snap! Those goals are from a different time and even a different person.

See you’ve grown and with this growth you’ve stiffled the dreamer and nurtured the realist. You’ve become accustomed to looking for all the reasons your dreams can’t work.

Why it doesn’t make sense.

You’ve taken to comparing yourself to others. Totally forgetting that comparison is the theif of joy.

You’ve surrounded yourself with pigeons, while telling yourself that you never really had any desire to soar like the eagle. You see in order to soar, you have to cut some people and things out of your life.

Netflix and chillin all weekend sounds like an amazing plan and it feels really good too. However, in order to truly experience life, you have to get out there and live it. Throw on your sneakers! Visit some historical sites! Go canoeing! Or maybe even launch that business idea you’ve been planning for the past 100 years.

What do you have to lose?

What’s holding you back?

Is it money?

Is it time?

Not having the right connections?

Not having the skillset?

Fear of failure?

Not knowing where to start?

Not wanting to disappoint your parents?

Not wanting to be ridiculed by people?

I know what has held me back and honestly, it’s a combination of fear of failure and knowing that once I make that first step I would have to consistently step up and show up. Especially on the days when I don’t want too.

Understanding this I started to walk and committed to walking at least 5 days a week no matter what. The first couple weeks kicked my ass. My body was not used to being up and at it by 5:30 AM. It’s amazing how my body had adjusted and now I’m excited to hit the streets and get my walk on. Whether I have company or alone, I kept going.

This experience taught me how to show up for myself. Consistently! I learnt how to extend the same grace I would to others, to myself especially on the days I opted to sleep in. I learnt to stop putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself. To be more realistic with how much my body can handle, while gradually pushing my endurance. I learnt that the only thing that could possibly hold me back from my dreams, are my thoughts

I learnt that I had to first figure out exactly what I wanted in life and make a decision to commit to getting it, while remaining flexible with how it happens. Remaining teachable, cuz there’s so much I don’t know.

What about you?

What’s holding you back

Thoughtful Thursday…

The sea has always been my go-to place for solace.

My entire being craves the sound of the waves crashing against the shores and I’ve always been blessed to have access to it. My early years were spent exploring the beaches of beautiful South Andros.

My cousins and I were with frolicking in the waters or fishing depending on the tide. I’ve always envisioned myself as a fisherman. I would fish all day long and crab all night long.

I would be a self-sustaining fisherwoman!

My diet would consist of freshly caught fish, craw fish, or maybe even an occasional ray and roasted potatoes and cassava. Everything would by wrapped in banana leaves and cooked over an opened fire. Dessert would be whatever fruit was in season at the time. Whether it be sapodilla or paw paw or mangoes or Coco plum, dessert would be plentiful. The beverage of choice would always be fresh coconut water. All harvested by my own hands

Alas, I was socialized and gently admonished that I should aspire for more

Why not be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher

To pursue a respectable career…

I’m older now and with each passing day these childhood dreams beckon to me #islandgal#islandlife#ilivewhereyouvacation#peace#childhooddreams#thinkingoutloud#ohmyAndros#fishing#fisherwoman