It’s an early Sunday morning, the quiet humming of the refrigerator is the only sound I can hear, and the scent of strong brew permeated my cozy apartment. I’m sprawled on the couch in my birthday suit while savoring my all-time favorite dark roast coffee with one sugar while twiddling my toes and thinking about how blessed I am. Before you ask, no my bank account balance isn’t filled with several thousand dollars, shoots it’s not even close to one thousand dollars, but I’m in a freaking blissful mood. As I sat there trying to figure out why I so happy, I chuckle and opted to enjoy the feeling instead of questioning it.
Life is GOOD!
God is GOOD!
I am Happy!
This feeling of happiness and contentment is so strong that at that moment I decided that I WILL be HAPPY. Once that decision was made I started to think about what exactly does being HAPPY means for me! This got me thinking even more, mostly because it was me thinking that happiness came from the material things, money, clothing, vehicles and gadgets, I can accumulate and even having people recognize me aka popularity. In my happiest moment, that I can recall, I had none of that. Just a keen sense of being blessed that my kids are happy and healthy, my parents were both alive and since I had spoken to them the day before I knew they were good, that my siblings and all the people nearest and dearest to my heart were great and that I am mentally, emotionally, physically and financially fine and getting better and better every day.
That made me freaking HAPPY!
This realization stunned me and had me thinking even more, as you can see my mind wonders all the time and in the most random directions most times!I started to think about how now that I’ve decided to be happy, I need to swallow my pride, learn the art of forgiveness and stop beating up on myself. I have to swallow my pride cuz 1, there’s a lot I do not know. I need to remain open and teachable. I’m not an island! I need people and people need me. Learn to ask for help when needed, there is absolutely NO shame in asking for help. SO swallowing of pride is necessary.
Two, I have to learn to forgive. It’s silly to believe that just because someone loves you that they won’t ever hurt you. PURE BS! Those closest to us are the only ones who have the ability to destroy us with only a few words, buddy. Some of those relationships we really need to sever and move on from, however, in some of those relationships we need to learn to communicate, forgive and move past together. How lonely would life be if we just stopped talking to a friend because they hurt our feelings? The funny thing is sometimes people are oblivious to the fact that they offended us and are seriously confused about why they’re suddenly being ignored and snapped at. I’ve actually been guilty of this multiple times. And end up actually missing the relationship. Whether it be an intimate relationship or a real friendship. Speaking of intimate relationships, it’s kinda hypocritical that we forgive family and friends so much easier than we are willing to forgive our intimate partner. Or that could just be me. Understanding that we are all humans with different views and opinions and that’s what makes our relationships so beautiful! I love being introduced to new experiences, new music, and different perspectives. I’m a natural homebody and having friends to shake up my routine, is exhausting as hell but so exhilarating that I’m always up to new adventures. So I’m learning to forgive those who offend me, not only to maintain the relationship but also to release any negative emotions from weighing me down. This however does not mean I won’t address the offense to maintain the relationship. There are offenses I will address and relationships I will release to maintain my peace of mind and sanity.
This is a tough one for me, but I beat myself up a WHOLE LOT. About everything and anything too! I beat myself up if I feel I’ve been too aggressive or if I’ve been too passive or overly friendly and about the decisions I’ve made and the opportunities I’ve allowed to slip through my fingers. Literally everything and honestly it’s freaking exhausting so I’m officially done with that shit. I’m focusing on what it is that I want, not what my family and friends may think is best for me. Not what my boss feels is best for me and definitely not what my children feel is best for me. Funny enough, once I expressed what it is that I’m doing those closest to me don’t even question it! They support and encourage. Could you believe that! All that overthinking and second-guessing when I’m looked at as a reasonable and responsible individual who has a track record of making sensible life choices. LOL I overthink myself into inaction!
I am living my life with no regrets! I will seize opportunities as they arise. I will create opportunities for myself. I will LIVE with no fear of rejection and no fear of failure and I encourage you my dear readers to join me.
Let’s forgive and move on.
Make contact with those who you wanna talk to!
Go skinny dipping under the moonlight.
Happy Sunday ya’ll…