At 18 a cute face and swag captured my attention

At 25 it was ambitious, charismatic with a sense of humor and a cute face

At 30 it shifted to a man who could have introduced me to new experiences

At almost 38, I am attracted to a more collaborative spirit.

That dependability spirit.

That respect and loyalty is an essential approach to life.

That let us communicate vibe.

That if it’s not about us growing spiritually, financially, and emotionally then there’s no need for us to be together spirit.

The packaging isn’t important, however, nothing’s sexier than who take personal grooming seriously. That fresh out-the-shower clean makes a man 100 times sexier.

Oh, and can he already have children with no desire to have any more, please?

At times it may seem like an impossible find and I’ve even been told as much,

“Girl you’re too picky”

“Girl you’ll end up alone”

“Girl you may just have to share”

That one particularly despise! If I am able to respect myself, my partner, and our relationship enough to be faithful why shouldn’t I expect the same from him? I understand that there will be challenges. After all, life is filled with em! But it’s how we weather these challenges.

I haven’t always been good at communicating during times of emotional overwhelmedness, is that even a word? But I’m sure you understand what I’m saying. But I’m working on this constantly, so when these challenges arise I would know how best to handle them. Instead of shutting down as I would do in the past.

Nor am I very open, funny enough I was oblivious to this. I just don’t volunteer information nor do I answer unasked questions. The reality is it made even innocent interactions seem sinister. Knowing my partner feels that he can trust me is important to me and in order for that to happen, I will have to be more open about what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with. At one point in my life, this whole concept reeked of insecurity to me, but maturity has changed my perspective. Ensuring that my partner is comfortable with and aware of my shenanigans is now a priority for me. I have nothing to hide and I’m willing to share with my partner

Call me silly but I did not know there was something called emotional cheating! So that whole work wife/work husband relationship had to be reevaluated! I thought the only cheating, in intimate relationships, was of a sexual nature. Friendships outside of my intimate relationship are important to me. Friendships are fun, however, I’m learning the importance of the level of engagement when I’m in an intimate relationship. There are parts of you that should be reserved just for your partner. That intimacy should be reserved for your intimate relationship. Having a great sexual connection is one thing but baby have you experienced great sexual connection combined with intimacy? That takes everything to a whole different level. Trust me on that!

Am I asking too much again?

Whether it seems that I’m asking too much from an intimate relationship or not is fine with me. My goal is to enjoy life no matter my relationship status. There are goals I’m working on that excites me and scare me shitless. There are places I plan to explore and adventures I’m looking forward to. Having a partner to share the experience with would be a bonus. Until then I shall continue to savor every step of my journey.

Happy Single Sunday Guy!

She’s at the beach, sitting on the sea wall, cellphone dangling aimlessly in one hand and a wine glass clutched in the other, at a glance, the scene was quite picturesque. Beautiful melanated goddess basking in the glow of the evening’s sun with sister locs cascading down her back. One would have to look closely to notice the telltale signs of overwhelming dejection. Her shoulders were slumped and her head hung low. Occasionally she would swipe at the tears trickling down. There was no sound beyond the waves gently splashing against the shore. Sadness emanated from her entire being.

Cautiously, she was approached. A gentle hand rested on her shoulder. What was meant to bring comfort, unleashed the agonizing, soul-shattering howl from deep within. This howl spoke of pain and anguish.

The pain of betrayal

The pain of regret

The pain of having loved and lost

This was the pain of heartbreak.

She was engulfed in comforting arms and encouraged to unleash it all. What seemed like forever was only a few minutes as her wails became whimpers and then eventually silence.

With red-rimmed eyes and a shaky hand, she took a drink from the wine glass and gave a crooked smile.

“I thought what we had was something special”, she said.

“I’m sure it was, I said. Then asked, “Do you remember how you met?”

She smiled and leisurely ran her hands through her locs.

“Of course”, she exclaimed, “how could I forget. After all you introduced us, we were all hanging out at the beach, listening to Jazz music and enjoying our Friday evening”.

She reminisced for a few minutes before I interjected while interlacing our fingers together “Do you remember his girlfriend?”

The silence between us lingered for a while and for a split second, the tension was palpable. Our bond, thankfully, was truly tried and tested. Hence the ability to have an uncomfortably honest conversation existed.

“You allowed yourself to be courted by a man who had a girlfriend. This was a fact we all knew. Yet you encouraged the chase. You even enjoyed it! Enjoyed it so much that when he supposedly severed ties with her to be with you, you broadcast every smile, hug, and date on social media. You even went so far as to post pictures of you two together while he slept next to his girlfriend. You reveled in being able to take any man that you want.”

At this point, she tried to remove herself from our embrace, unsuccessfully.

Taking a sip from her wine glass our conversation continued“We all deserve healthy happy intimate relationships and a relationship whose foundation is built on the tears of another is never a good start. In your single-mindedness, you forgot the #1 rule of relationship “how you get ‘em is how you will lose ‘em hunni.”