Long ago and oh so far away when having a partner was a reality for me, we were riding together and passed what looked like a shower, could have been a baby or bridal. I really can’t remember which, when he glanced at me and asked “How do you feel about a shower?”

My automatic excited response was I had thought about it and would really love to try it, however, I was always concerned about how or what my partner would think and feel about me after the fact. I was rambling on about it for a few minutes when I happened to glance in his direction and noticed his bemused but shocked expression. I immediately stopped talking and asked what I missed. To which he responded, “I was talking about a baby shower, but I like the way you think”.

My entire body instantly went hot and my armpits started to itch. Talk about a melanated chica blushing! That was me. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I had misunderstood his question and had inadvertently spoken out aloud some of my darker thoughts. He sensed my discomfort and laugh heartily for a long while and teased me even longer, before sobering up and reminding me that that was what he was there for. For me to be able to vocalize my deepest darkest fantasies and see how best he could help fulfill them. However, he didn’t feel that he could ever channel an inner R. Kelly, so I would have to forgo the pleasures of the golden shower. For the duration of that drive, he kept up the idle chit chat, not allowing me to completely withdraw, in spite of my obvious desire to.

Looking back I can laugh at this experience and even comfortably share it with you. If there is one really important takeaway I’ve learned from this is that communication is so important, especially in healthy intimate relationships. Most of us, or it could just be me and my cousins, tend to be more open and honest about communicating our wants and needs with persons we aren’t in an intimate relationship with. You have to be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. And the only way you get to this stage is through open, non-judgmental, respectful conversation. Shoots if you’re willing to have sex with someone you should be willing to express clearly your needs and wants. Nobody can read your mind honey and if you don’t like something it would be best to let me know beforehand to save us that lil hiccup. What worked in a previous relationship may not cut it in this relationship. It sounds so cute saying, oh my baby knows exactly what I need or like cuz he/she pays attention to me, but some of us are great actors.

So ladies and gents, get comfortable having these uncomfortable conversations, whether it be about intimacy and sexual compatibility, or relationship expectations, or even financial compatibility.

Respectfully communicate these needs, you never know when this can result in the best relationship EVER!

Remember folks great sex starts with great communication.

Happy Sunday Yall!