Ladies have you ever asked your significant other what he wants or even expects from your relationship?
Has it ever crossed your mind that you may not be giving him what he wants even though you feel like you’re making ALL the effort in the world?
Have you ever communicated to your partner your needs and expectations from the relationship? Or have you unknowingly just expected your partner to figure it out! I know I’ve been guilty of all of this. It’s not that I didn’t care about his feelings, goals and ambition. But more along the lines of me assuming that if he never brought it up, he didn’t want to speak on it. And idealistically, I thought of myself as the ideal partner and pretty much the ultimate prize.
Funny enough, I’ve had conversations about expectations, needs and desires in relationships before but they were never with the man I was with. They were with girl friends, some who were a lot jaded and disgruntled. In hindsight I see my error, but in that moment I thoroughly enjoyed those conversations.
Fast forward to present day I’m having heated exchange with an ex-boyfriend and I blurted out “What exactly do you want from me dude?” To which he responds
“Consistent amazing sex and respect”!
There was no hesitation in his answer and no long pause either. This was a shocker for me and a turning point for me.
How often do we ask the person we’re in the relationship with for clarity on what they need in an intimate relationship? And if we do ask, are we willing to listen to understand and hopefully provide these necessities? And if what’s needed isn’t something we’re willing to give, are we willing to communicate this as well? Are we willing to have an honest conversation that could possible result in a beautiful partnership or the prevention of wasted time and heart ache?
I’ll be honest, it didn’t start with 50 Shades of Gray for me. It started with an old ratty tatty book with no cover and lots of dog’s ear. I was rummaging through older relatives’ belongings and that’s where I found it. My innocent mind was blown and my body was heated and flushed after just a few minutes of reading. I had randomly selected a starting point and was enthralled in how a blind woman slipped these balls into her vagina, then sat on the balls of her heel and rocked back and forth until she climaxed. The idea of being able to bring oneself so much pleasure in plain sight with the aid of these balls just peaked every inch of my being. My entire nether region clenched and my nipples harden. My body yearned to experience such a sensation. Where do I find these magical balls? Where? Where? Where? I just had to have this “little death”.
Fast forward a few years and again I stumbled across this adult toy shop and I’m flooded with memories if the Ben Wa Balls and all the possibilities I had yet to experience. I purchased a pair got to it.
Now if you’ve ever seen them up close, the first thing you will notice is the size and start wondering how the hell do I keep those little things inside. But hey, I’m a trooper and I am always ready to try anything once. Off I go gleefully to try out my new purchase and experience all these sensations I read about. I set the mood with some candles, soft sensual music playing in the background, sexy lingerie and in Benny (I name my toys) goes and as soon as they’re in and I stood up, they fell right out. Don’t ask why I stood, ‘cuz i really don’t know, it was what felt right in the moment so I did. It took several attempts, and I had read that it was the equivalent to stopping your pee mid way , before Benny is in and I’m clenching and relaxing just clenching and relaxing. The major motivation besides that build up of sensations, was that I had also read that strengthening my kegels would help me experience even more intense orgasms with my partner. It was on! Sister girl was beating Benny bad, almost daily.
Another discovery I made with Benny, was that it had me all wet and gushy and a lot turned on. So they were perfect to slip in minutes before I stare sexting my boo. By the time he gets there all he has to do is slide right in there.