You were my first rejection. Before you even met me you rejected me! Before I was given a chance you brushed me aside. Without even an afterthought I was dismissed. For years I struggled trying to understand why you did what you did, turns out you didn’t even know why either. Every child around me had an actually person as their dad and all I had was a name. A name and a sense of inadequacy! Mum did all she could to make me feel loved and wanted, but it’s hard to convince a child that she’s loved when the man that fathered her, rejected her, wanted Nothing to do with her.
It took some time and some guts for me to finally tell my mum that I wanted to meet/speak to you. And even more guts to place the call, that’s when I met your wife and some of my brothers. For years I denied that I was negatively affected by not having a father figure in my life. However, 3 kids and 2 failed relationships, I started to examine my life and why I do certain things and react to things the way I do. Even though we have discussed your disappearance act, I realized I never forgave you for it. Yes we talk and laugh and I even appreciate your interest in my children’s lives, under all that I was still resentful towards you.
Now it’s time for me to forgive you and move on. So, for the first time I will say the words, “I forgive you”! I forgive you for not being the parent that I needed you to be! I forgive you for the rejection! Now that I’m a parent I understand that it wasn’t me that you were rejecting, it was the fear of the uncertainty my existence would bring that made you conveniently forget about me. No I’m not making up excuses, but I’m accepting that it has happened and we can’t undo what’s done! I forgive you because it’s time to release the hurt, anguish and torture. By holding on to them I’m denying myself the opportunity to enjoy true peace of mind, contentment, and the chance to love a man and to be loved in return. So I forgive you Daddy and I love you. And finally the hurt child is journeying down the path of forgiveness and healing.